After Apple

Wow. I simply can’t believe the traffic that got. I was kind of kidding when I submitted it to Digg and Slashdot, but in both cases it hit the front page. The Digg guys seemed to get it about half the time, and the Slashdot guys got it about 10% of the time, which is generally on par for the respective sites.

Anyhow, in reading the questions and comments at various places that linked to the article, I’m seeing some common questions that I’ll address for the hell of it.

You sound arrogant and self-righteous, but were stuck in support for four years. Man up, Nancy.

This is true, I did write with that tone and am entirely capable of it. I am also venting, and would not have lasted four years if that’s how I treated people who called. To understand the disparity, you have to have worked a similar job (and most of us technical types have). You come in in the morning and the phone rings and it’s the same guy you got running the previous day. For some reason he went beyond what you’d said (his computer, his right) and did one more thing to it, causing it to go to pieces on him. So, you carefully explain why that did what it did and then bring him back to a working state, saying he should never do that again. He understands, hangs up, and does it again. Two hours later, a colleague gets a call from him and asks you what the heck is going on with him. Standard fare.

It happens a lot, and it takes a great deal of patience to keep those guys fixed. We do it, and calmly, for many reasons. The very first is that they paid for support and we’re there to deliver it — it’s not my place to deny a customer what he’s paid for and what I was hired for. The second reason is that most of us are old-time Apple users and love the products and as much as we love them, we want others to understand them as well. So we’ll hang around patiently and fix things, even as we’re being yelled at, insulted, and berated for the problem the computer is having — even as we try and get the customer to fix it. It’s basic psychology to say that we’re the face of the company — and the problem — and so we get the flak about it. That, I understand, but it doesn’t mean I don’t rip a stress ball apart while calmly and evenly saying “Oh, I understand, sir, and while it’s unfortunate that this happened, I’m trying to fix it. Can you please get into the Finder and open up Library?”

For every bit of anger or frustration that you deliver to the phone agent, he has to get it out of him somewhere. I, personally, tore up stress balls, bitched and whined about the call to coworkers (who returned the favor), and stuffed the rest deep down inside where it fermented into a beautiful and glorious hatred of the human race. I stayed in support for two reasons: the first is that I couldn’t get out within the company, as I detailed; the second is that it was an easy paycheck, as I detailed. I’d learned how to deal with the evil vibes sent my way in various forms of release and maintained a bit of an equilibrium, I’d thought, but over time I realized where the rest was going and when I totally understood where the creator of the video game “Kill All Humans” was coming from, I realized it was time to go.

The article was a bit of a dump of all that evil that’d been rotting inside me and needed to get out. Standard fare for technical support, that. I just happen to have some control over the English language that my compatriots in this general field lack, so this is my release rather than boozing it up and stumbling through a bar, or meditating on a carrot or something. I write, so I wrote.

You said nothing, really, about life inside Apple! I thought that was what this was about!

You misunderstand. I said “my life” in Apple. That’s what it was. If you’d like something on the daily rigamarole, I’m sure I can spin up something that doesn’t release too many specifics. I’ll get on that.

It’s people like you that made my experience with [insert company here] suck! I’ll never go back!

If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Which is to say, if you’re not treating the person on the end of the phone like a person, you won’t get it in return. We are not robots or slaves, we’re people earning a paycheck, just like you. If you wouldn’t want someone coming to you and blaming the world’s ills on you when you’re trying to solve it, then please don’t do it to us.

I’m not an evil guy, and I certainly didn’t make it for four years at my job by being evil. In fact, I calmed down the crazy ones, made some great friends with customers, and generally treated them like people, because that’s what people deserve. It sounds egotistical, sure, but I’ll openly say that I feel I rocked. I was never an ass on the phone and always moved towards a solution. This is not to say the fellow on the other end always moved toward a solution, but I tried for my part. If you read that article and believe you spoke with me on the phone, you didn’t. I was never like that to a customer. Ever. I’m not one to do something that stupid.

The crazy ones are the ones that come to work with a smile every day, in the midst of all of this. Those are the ones to watch for. I didn’t smile, I just raised the pitch of my voice and laughed sometimes. I played the game.

You’re paid to take that kind of abuse!

Yes, to a degree, we are. And the more abuse you deliver, the closer to the terms and conditions we fly. Read them sometime. It’s kind of depressing how little support you’re guaranteed. The nicer you are, the more we ignore the legalities and procedures and just try and help you. My position was that I’d take the abuse that was delivered, but the caller would get exactly what he paid for, no more. If he calmed down, we’d have a gay ole’ time in Terminal and fix every ill he had. You always get what you pay for, but you don’t always get more. Be human to the humans, and they’ll be human back.

This is just like every other technical support job. Why is this special.

It is just like the rest, and it’s not special. I’m merely relating my experience in this specific job for the sake of venting and for others that don’t know to know. Kind of like the fellow that left a comment about starting a site called AppleCareLess where I expect he intends to whine, seethe, and complain about bad support experiences. As long as the attitude is in that bucket, he and his ilk will never get what they want from any human being in any organization, ever. I would like that to change. I want everyone to get what they deserve from AppleCare and I’m all for telling you the proper way to go about getting it. That comes later. For now, I’ll sit here and slowly shake my head in the general direction of that site, knowing that it’ll just make things worse by giving people a place to get together and whine without seeing that they’re a part of the problem as well.

This thing is linked everywhere …

Because it’s true, and it needed to be said. I won’t say that it couldn’t be said better or that it’s the complete story, but it’s what a lot of people wanted to say so they linked to it.

It’s quite probable that I’ll never be able to work for Apple again after this, and while that’s kind of sad it’s also a relief. I saw how things worked there and wasn’t very happy about it. It’s politics-driven and the men act like women: emotional, petty, and they only promote those that sit next to them and tell jokes. It’s part frat-house and part nail salon, and I don’t play that game very well. I’ll grant that I worked for a manager or two that didn’t fit that bill, but I’ve seen some fakes fly up the chain while I was there that no one was happy with except for the other idiot managers they conned.

It’s not comprehensive, and it’s not meant to be. It’s not special, and it’s not meant to be. I had to say some things and did, and the world apparently wanted to hear them. Such is life.