After Apple

is by not working for Apple.

The ol’ finances were looking a little thin 8 months after I’d left. Yes, they were a couple of good opportunities I was working on, but they sorta fell through, and I was jumping from temp assignment to temp assignment. I also found out that Apple-qualified people here in Malaysia had a tough time looking for a job, due to the fact that the almighty MCSE ruled supreme.

I was keeping an eye at Apple in Malaysia after I left, and they never did get a replacement for me. So one day, I thought, what if I worked for them on contract?

Being on contract, I would not be an Apple badged employee. I would just be another guy who did stuff, like the janitor or the guy who fed toner into the copy machine. Except that the pay was much better.

So far I’ve been on retainer for 3 plus months, and life is good. I do presentations on Apple products and I conduct training for customers. And best of all, I no longer have to take responsibility for Apple, who merrily shoot themselves in the foot every once in a while.

is by not working for Apple.

The ol’ finances were looking a little thin 8 months after I’d left. Yes, they were a couple of good opportunities I was working on, but they sorta fell through, and I was jumping from temp assignment to temp assignment. I also found out that Apple-qualified people here in Malaysia had a tough time looking for a job, due to the fact that the almighty MCSE ruled supreme.

I was keeping an eye at Apple in Malaysia after I left, and they never did get a replacement for me. So one day, I thought, what if I worked for them on contract?

Being on contract, I would not be an Apple badged employee. I would just be another guy who did stuff, like the janitor or the guy who fed toner into the copy machine. Except that the pay was much better.

So far I’ve been on retainer for 3 plus months, and life is good. I do presentations on Apple products and I conduct training for customers. And best of all, I no longer have to take responsibility for Apple, who merrily shoot themselves in the foot every once in a while.

A pastiche of my daily routine in my last year at Apple.

7.00 am
Wake up and realize I have to go to work. Groan.

8.25 am
Reach the office.

8.35 am
Go out for breakfast while mail downloads.

8.50 am
Come back to the office to find the VPN connection has dropped (again). Groan. Reconnect to VPN (after trying multiple servers) and download mail again. Let’s see… postings from field engineers mailing list, angry customers demanding Steve’s email address, coworkers emails, and the obligatory viagra ad (have to say that apple’s spam filters are pretty good).

9.05 am
Hear anguished scream from next cubicle. Marcom Manager is suffering from SBOD and she has,has,has to get this one email out. Try to help, not good. Hard disk sounds suicidal.
“Did you backup like I told you?” I ask. Deer in headlight look. Of course, she was too busy. Break out the recovery tools and try to salvage something from the smoking remains.

10.30 am
While still trying to recover MM’s hard disk, AppleCare Manager wanders over and asks about some technical issue that appeared on the net. This guy is a new hire and doesn’t know much about Macs. Research his issue and email him the results.

As I said, I will attempt to be funny this time around, or fail miserably trying. On with the show.

A hypothetical friend (hypothetical, as I have no friends, do not need them and do not want them – including you over there reading this page while scrolling through adultfriendfinder in another window and pretending to be on oversexed 14 year girl on Yahoo messenger) arsed me the following question.

“Why do you use a Mac?”

This is marginally better than the sage observation made by other hypothetical friends which goes, “Ah, using a Mac I see! Good for graphics!”. To which I would grit my teeth and imagine their reproductive organs being dipped in a pan of hot fat with owner still attached.

A positive view would be that they are sick and tired of using Windows and are honestly seeking information about the Mac. I’d buy that, but for the tone of voice being used, which sounds like the person asking the question is actually asking about my sexual orientation.

Why in the name of heaven is it so fornicating important what computer I use? I do not wear the same clothes you do, do not watch the same tv programs, do not eat the same food, do not drink alcohol, do not smoke. So this is quite mystifying.

I joined Apple because I thought that it was the coolest computer company ever. I left because it wasn’t.

Do allow me to explain.

First kiss

It may have been a trade show in 1986. There was a Mac running MacPaint. I held the mouse and drew a Mac on the Mac’s screen. The sales guy there said, “Hey, you drew a Mac!”

Dating

In 1989, I was in my first year at University of Science, Malaysia. They had 512K Fat Macs in the lab. First lesson – how to use a mouse. We spent half an hour just clicking and dragging stuff around. It was fun.

In my second year we did programming in C and Pascal. That was fun as C and Pascal syntax was similar yet different (Why doesn’t this work? Oh, you don’t use == in Pascal).

Third year, I was sent to Uniphone for industrial training. Woot! They had yea Macs, but my programming efforts were not great. In the end I ended up mostly doing technical writing. However that was the year I asked (Well, actually pleaded, cajoled, begged, cried, whined etc) my parents to buy me a Powerbook 100. I loved it to bits. Carried it with me everywhere, brought it to lectures. 4 hour battery life, baby. Instant on. Dig on it awhile.